I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize