Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
