I wish I could punch you in the face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
