Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
