i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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