i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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