maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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