She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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