Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize