I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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