I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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