Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
