We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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