All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
