no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
