How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
