How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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