TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza