very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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