I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
