Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
