There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My feet surprised me
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