Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize