Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
