I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
