I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
