I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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