Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
