I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I am morally bankrupt
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
