airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize