I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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