apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
