Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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