I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize