I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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