Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
