We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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