I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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