There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
