Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
