ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
