At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
