first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
