the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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