I just pynch a tree in the face
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
