they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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