He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
