Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
