Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
