Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
