And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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