Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
