his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
