Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now