have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high