dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.