I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS