Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
