You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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