You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
