For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
