I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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