you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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