ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
